The White House Got Its Viral Clip. Did Anybody Get an Answer?

My Political Thoughts | Opinion by Kev

Imagine a reporter asks whether a school lunch program is getting cut. The person at the podium cracks a joke, the reporter pushes back, and by dinner everybody’s reposting the clip like somebody won a fight.

Cool. Now you’re at the kitchen table looking at next week’s grocery list. Do you gotta start packing lunch five days a week? Did the program get cut? Does that include your kid’s school? When does it start?

The clip got a million views and you still gotta call the damn school.

Watch the companion video on YouTube

The clip starts at the comeback

You know how these clips go. The caption says somebody got cooked. The video starts right at the comeback. By the time you see it, the original question might already be cut out.

So you watch it again. You hear the reporter asking about school lunches, then a joke about the reporter’s network. The next clip is somebody arguing over whether the joke was funny. Meanwhile, that parent is still standing in the grocery aisle wondering if they need another loaf of bread.

That’s the part that gets me. You can watch ten people argue about the same White House press briefing and still have to hunt for the answer that made the question worth asking.

Give me an answer I can use on Monday

If somebody asks about school lunches, here’s what I want to hear at the podium.

• What changed? Was a cut proposed, or did somebody actually approve it?
• Who’s affected? Which schools or students would see a change?
• When does it start? Do families need to plan for Monday, next semester, or a date that’s still up in the air?

If the details are still being worked out, say what’s been decided, what’s pending, and when families can expect an update. Give the reporter something they can follow up on. Give the parent somewhere to check besides a comment section full of people yelling at each other.

And if somebody answers a question about lunch with a speech about how much they love working families, ask it again. Is my kid getting lunch on Monday?

The grocery list is still on the table

Go back to that parent for a second. Maybe they’re trying to stretch what’s left till payday. Maybe they leave for work before the kid gets up, and packing lunch means doing it the night before. Either way, they’ve got a decision to make by Sunday.

That’s how I’d judge the briefing. Can somebody hear the answer and use it to make a plan? Everybody online knows who got roasted. The parent still doesn’t know what to put on the grocery list.

The school lunch scenario is hypothetical. The Dana White press secretary scenario is satire.

Related reading — What Does the White House Press Secretary Do?

---

Editor’s note: This article is political opinion and satire. The scenario of Dana White serving as White House press secretary is presented hypothetically, not as a confirmed appointment or offer.

Watch the companion video: